Present

The least I can do is enjoy whatever time I know I can't spend working, maybe I want to be physical and thoughtful without driving myself to a sweat every time as an attempt to forget why I'm still here. Repeating "I can handle anything, I can do anything" isn't enough and neither is outside encouragement and relating to others is just what pushes me farther from feeling comfortably human, and I'm trapped with limited language even among such vast vocabulary. Teetering imbalance from something to nothing, no one to someone, civilized self to primitive creature. I'm static, reception fleeting I am never human for long enough to learn a skill or a fact, or the history of one place, I retain the knowledge that I forever FEEL beyond words